I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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