the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
