I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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