saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
