Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
