Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
