Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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