I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize