Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you had me at cake vodka
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
