I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize