i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
