fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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