Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
