My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize