I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
