i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
