the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish i was in the wii world.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
