There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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