How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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