actually, I'm a sock model
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
