My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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