I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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