I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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