U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
