i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
