I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
