Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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