My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
