Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
