he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
