either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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