I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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