ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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