Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
