Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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