Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
