and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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