I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
