hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
