I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
