Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
