I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This girl is more easily done than said...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
