Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
