So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Drunk is not a location!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
