Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
