Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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