I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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