The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
