Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
