Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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