margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
