I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
