I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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