What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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