I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
