I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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