quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
