I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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