i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
