i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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