you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
