oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
