i just had sex bonerless
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
