I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
