I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
