First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
