Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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