I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
