I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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